Entering His Rest?

For the last 30 years I have hardly slept which has been for me like having a disease. What makes it even worse is the fact that most of my family of origin suffers from insomnia in one way or another, some more than others. My mom was addicted
to sleeping pills because that’s the only way she could get some rest and have a “normal day”.  I fought sleeping pills for over 23 years.

“Therefore, since a promise remains of entering His rest, let us fear lest any of you seem to have come short of it.” Hebrews 4: 1

P1090588In 2005, I was visiting Denise a wonderful friend in New Zealand…the ends of the earth as they say there, very rightly so. That was not exactly the best way to get sleep taken care of…the worse jet-lag in history. You actually arrive there a whole day later and if you try to call home its an 18 hours difference. My husband Eddy was in Antarctica at the time with no way of communication except through email occasionally.

After a few days of pure exhaustion Denise took me to her doctor (called him her drug dealer) and he gave me a prescription. I was desperate! That started a whole new phase of my life where I used pills specially when I travelled which I did a lot because of ministry. The Sleeping pills gave me headaches, made me drowsy and added digestive problems, no matter what kind I would use. They are as everyone knows addictive as well and if you start with a small dose your body will need more in order to actually work. For me if I take a sleep tablet on Monday and Tuesday and try again Wednesday, it’s over, my system wants double the dose! It’s a vicious circle and no different from other sedative drugs.  To be honest I still deal with insomnia and no… God hasn’t healed me yet.

If I go to most churches for prayer concerning my sleep – and believe me I have done that a lot in the past 30+ years – prayer ministers in general make me feel like it’s my fault I don’t sleep because “He gives His beloved sleep” (Ps 127:3).  I have been meditating on this condemnation issue for the past few weeks and it seems to me that if someone had cancer, and the cancer is still there after much prayer ministry (which is not that uncommon), no one would point the finger at that person and tell them they are not doing it right! So we should treat many diseases and health issues in the same way and stop pointing the finger and giving me advice. I am not blaming the church, I am just sharing my experience. I have seen many friends, beautiful saints die of cancer over the years while the whole church was praying for them including me. What do we do with that? Is God not faithful? That’s another whole other topic with no definite answers. I feel insomnia for me is like a devastating disease.  Who can function without sleep? Since I have been dealing with Menopause, my sleep has been more horrendous than ever.

I am presently studying the Book of Job which I absolutely love. What a trial this man went through and what terrible friends he had when he needed them most! They pointed the finger at him when he just needed some shoulder to lean on or someone to listen to him. In their mind, he was suffering because he did it wrong! The miracle of this Book of Job (no one  knows its author or when it was written) is that it has preserved throughout the ages and has helped so many people get through hard times in a way like the book of psalms.

Yes I have tried natural supplements, eating healthy, exercising etc…and I’m still working on it! It seems that all the natural things that help people sleep like Valerian, Lavender, Malatonin etc, all have reverse reactions on me. I am right now working with a Sleep Therapist. Didn’t know that there was such a thing and he’s trying to make me a martyr…just kidding! He is teaching me to keep insomnia out of the bedroom and out of my mind during the day, because the fear of how I might feel in the morning will often keep me from sleeping. He has me on a sleep schedule 10:15 PM to 5 AM right now and it has been very very difficult for me. If I sleep 2 hours that night, I still have to get up at 5 AM. I do not want to rant and rave here I am just talking about where I am at. Yes I still love the Lord and I still pray and am careful whom I talk to and whom I go to for prayer. I believe that one day God will heal me and will restore to me the years the locust has eaten (Joel 2:25). Because I have viking blood in me, I am not a quitter, I just keep going. I hope this will help someone to not give up and still believe.



8 thoughts on “Entering His Rest?

  1. Sweet one, my heart goes out to you, because sleep is the very best thing our bodies need. It is like a disease, because a solid REM sleep is when our bodies heal. It’s what makes us feel like us, when we wake up. It’s like you’re being tormented day and night, and that’s no different than suffering cancer or any other disease.

    Sometimes in our enthusiasm to help each other we end up hurting, and that’s so disappointing, like your friend getting you hooked on sleep meds. She wanted so much to help! Maybe your story is a lesson to all of us, that we should empathetically listen to each other, with no purpose in mind of fixing your problems… just love you in that pain, through it, and hopefully all the way to the other side!

    I’m so sorry you’re hurting… and I want to believe with you for a solution!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Susan, thanks so much for being a great friend. I so appreciate your love and compassion…wow! Only another soul who has known pain and insomnia understands this. Actually the sleep schedule eventually will work. I slept 6 hours last night. I believe that writing about it even though it might bore people will release all the bent up emotions like you have always told me. Thank you for letting me be me and for encouraging me not to give up through the darkest valleys. You are the best. XXXOOO

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I can relate some what to your problem with sleep. For me it all started in my mid 40’s. I blamed it on an overactive bladder. Then my husband, who also takes meds in order to sleep, told me I snored and kept him awake. That made me afraid to go to sleep because I didn’t want to snore. Of course menopause made it all worse. I even went and did a sleep study which determined that I had mild sleep apnea. They prescribed a CPAP machine. That was a terrible experience. I did finally determine that my sinus’s were stopping up which was causing me to wake up often. Since I am very much into nutrition, I have used various natural means. I’ve even resorted to meds at times and still do when I am away from home as that is a most miserable time not to be able to sleep. I’m like you, if I took them all the time, I would end up requiring more and more. A sleep schedule is good and does help.. I just have a difficult time staying with it. You are inspiring me to go back to setting the alarm and making myself get up no matter how much sleep I have had. Insomnia is like a disease and is very bad for your health. I use a breath strip to keep my nose open… helps with my breathing and snoring. I also use a saline nasal spray to help keep my nose from stopping up as well as peppermint oil and vitamin A. At times I am better but still do have rough nights. Last night was one of them. I just have to get up for a while, play solitaire on my computer, reprogram my brain and then I can usually go back to sleep. I try praying but it seems that gets my mind thinking too much. Well, I’ve rambled on too much. I just want you to know you are not alone. I am very healthy otherwise but between my nose stopping up when I lie down and my brain going into overtime I do have trouble sleeping for more than a couple hours at a time… I feel so good on the rare occasion that I sleep 4 or 5 hours without waking up. Thanks for sharing.


    • Pat, thanks so much for sharing about your sleep and insomnia. We have been talking online for months now and are just discovering more and more about one another…very cool! It’s good to see 2 other people agree with me that insomnia is a disease and should be treated as such. It’s not a light thing and so many people out there deal with it on a nightly basis. Maybe we’ll be able to help more people who struggle with this disease.

      My insomnia started when I was pregnant with my twins after doctors prepared me for the worse prognosis. Overnight sleep was gone! I’ll go through that whole story on this blog, a little bit at a time. Like you I have tried many things to help sleep. I recently was tested for Sleep Apnea and I don’t have it. Working with this sleep therapist and keeping a sleeping log has been a pain in the neck but is helping. That way he and I can see the progress even when I feel terrible, tired, frustrated and like giving up. In June I go on Medicare and he doesn’t take Medicare, so I am terminating the sessions. If I need to I can always just pay for one session here and there.

      Getting up at 5 AM is tough but it seems to be working. It takes a lot of discipline and courage to get up then when you spent most of the night awake sometimes! I have tried all the natural remedies available today it seems and spent so much money for something that keeps me awake instead of putting me to sleep. Melatonin, Valerian, Peppermint, Ginger, Ibuprofen, Codeine, Aspirin etc…It seems like I cannot take anything in safety. Sleeping pills work occasionally but leave me depressed, with headaches and digestion problems. I need to watch everything I eat past 12 PM. Not fun but it helps to know. If I eat anything that has additives or preservatives in the evening, there goes my sleep. I will remember to pray for you as I lay down my head at night.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I see that others are responding to the issues pertaining to a lack of sleep, but I would like to comment on the effect that philosophies on healing, and who is responsible for it, have on us. I am calling them philosophies not to cheapen the reliance that we all have on the Word of God, but rather to note that we are always interpretting what He is doing or wants to do when we apply scripture to any situation. Does God heal? I do believe He does. Does He heal all the time? Perhaps. Or more precisely, perhaps we need to all listen more carefully and discern just what it is He is doing with the situation. I once heard someone say,”God is more interested in our character than our comfort,” and my husband and I like to say that He is very multipurpose, and that in accordance with Romans 8:28, He is mightily at work affecting many facets of not only our lives, but others’ lives, while He is about the business of making all things work together for our good.
    That said, it is right and natural that we seek Him when we have a need and that we trust Him to care for it and us. But He is not a genie in a bottle that we rub and get what we want all the time. He is God. He knows more than we do, can see more than we do, and has plans for each of our lives. Therefore, I do not see scriptural promises as necessarily being a one-size-fits-all. We need to press in with Him and see what He is doing and hear what He is saying. That goes not only for those doing the seeking, but for those doing the praying for us.
    I suffered from agoraphobia for 22 years, all the while being a fervent Believer who loved and trusted God. Well meaning saints told me I had sin in my life, I was “confessing” the wrong words, I wasn’t reading the Word enough, I wasn’t “calling those things that be not as though they were..” and on and on. It caused me much dispair and condemnation, but it also caused me to be a Berean – one who searches the scriptures to see if these things be so. What I learned is that God’s ways are not our ways, and His thoughts not our thoughts. I learned to trust Him in all things and to stand firmly in His leading no matter how many other voices around me clamor for my attention. If God is the healer, He will heal – when it is His time, and in the way that He sees fit. No manner of our jumping through hoops can speed up this process nor change its direction. We are His sheep and know His voice. Why, then, should we ever need to feel that if He had something to say to us, some direction to give us about our situation, we would not be able to hear Him.
    I believe, my dear sister, that you are precious in His sight, and bought with such a high price that you are not, and will never, be forsaken by Him, in this or any other circumstance that should come your way. Entering into His rest? Yes, and knowing that it is finished. Our battle is over, so we rest in knowing that what concerns us concerns Him, and we listen with great attention to where He will lead us next.
    “The Lord will accomplish what concerns me; Your lovingkindness, O Lord, is everlasting…” (Psalm 138:8, NASB)


    • Thank you Sue for your wonderful testimony about His faithfulness through your long trials. I am just weary and tired and sometimes feel like I can’t go on, so that’s the reason why I talked about it, feeling that it might help and I might get some feedback from people who have struggled. I believe God and always have, I still pray for people in pain and with sickness and disease. Honestly between the pain I have been in and the very deep lack of sleep I have suffered, it’s been an overwhelming trial and I feel bad for my husband who has to live with a sick person. I do not need someone to tell me that I have done something wrong and God is punishing me…I need to feel his unconditional love again through saints like you.
      May God bless you abundantly,
      In His Precious love,

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks so much Marvia, I so appreciate you. Yes this is still quite fresh for me and I am very cautious about going for prayer with people I know. Total strangers are actually safer sometimes. Thank you Marvia for all that you are and for encouraging me to be me…a little scary I must say.

      Liked by 1 person

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