For the last 30 years I have hardly slept which has been for me like having a disease. What makes it even worse is the fact that most of my family of origin suffers from insomnia in one way or another, some more than others. My mom was addicted
to sleeping pills because that’s the only way she could get some rest and have a “normal day”. I fought sleeping pills for over 23 years.
“Therefore, since a promise remains of entering His rest, let us fear lest any of you seem to have come short of it.” Hebrews 4: 1
In 2005, I was visiting Denise a wonderful friend in New Zealand…the ends of the earth as they say there, very rightly so. That was not exactly the best way to get sleep taken care of…the worse jet-lag in history. You actually arrive there a whole day later and if you try to call home its an 18 hours difference. My husband Eddy was in Antarctica at the time with no way of communication except through email occasionally.
After a few days of pure exhaustion Denise took me to her doctor (called him her drug dealer) and he gave me a prescription. I was desperate! That started a whole new phase of my life where I used pills specially when I travelled which I did a lot because of ministry. The Sleeping pills gave me headaches, made me drowsy and added digestive problems, no matter what kind I would use. They are as everyone knows addictive as well and if you start with a small dose your body will need more in order to actually work. For me if I take a sleep tablet on Monday and Tuesday and try again Wednesday, it’s over, my system wants double the dose! It’s a vicious circle and no different from other sedative drugs. To be honest I still deal with insomnia and no… God hasn’t healed me yet.
If I go to most churches for prayer concerning my sleep – and believe me I have done that a lot in the past 30+ years – prayer ministers in general make me feel like it’s my fault I don’t sleep because “He gives His beloved sleep” (Ps 127:3). I have been meditating on this condemnation issue for the past few weeks and it seems to me that if someone had cancer, and the cancer is still there after much prayer ministry (which is not that uncommon), no one would point the finger at that person and tell them they are not doing it right! So we should treat many diseases and health issues in the same way and stop pointing the finger and giving me advice. I am not blaming the church, I am just sharing my experience. I have seen many friends, beautiful saints die of cancer over the years while the whole church was praying for them including me. What do we do with that? Is God not faithful? That’s another whole other topic with no definite answers. I feel insomnia for me is like a devastating disease. Who can function without sleep? Since I have been dealing with Menopause, my sleep has been more horrendous than ever.
I am presently studying the Book of Job which I absolutely love. What a trial this man went through and what terrible friends he had when he needed them most! They pointed the finger at him when he just needed some shoulder to lean on or someone to listen to him. In their mind, he was suffering because he did it wrong! The miracle of this Book of Job (no one knows its author or when it was written) is that it has preserved throughout the ages and has helped so many people get through hard times in a way like the book of psalms.
Yes I have tried natural supplements, eating healthy, exercising etc…and I’m still working on it! It seems that all the natural things that help people sleep like Valerian, Lavender, Malatonin etc, all have reverse reactions on me. I am right now working with a Sleep Therapist. Didn’t know that there was such a thing and he’s trying to make me a martyr…just kidding! He is teaching me to keep insomnia out of the bedroom and out of my mind during the day, because the fear of how I might feel in the morning will often keep me from sleeping. He has me on a sleep schedule 10:15 PM to 5 AM right now and it has been very very difficult for me. If I sleep 2 hours that night, I still have to get up at 5 AM. I do not want to rant and rave here I am just talking about where I am at. Yes I still love the Lord and I still pray and am careful whom I talk to and whom I go to for prayer. I believe that one day God will heal me and will restore to me the years the locust has eaten (Joel 2:25). Because I have viking blood in me, I am not a quitter, I just keep going. I hope this will help someone to not give up and still believe.