I have had many people and some of them rather well known tell me that I was going to write and so far I have done very little of it. There is so much to say, to uncover and release in all honesty…thus my Blog’s name!
I am now a senior and am french having lived in the USA for 39 years…longer than anywhere in the world. At first when my husband and I moved here, it was really hard – I missed my family and 7 siblings so much! When my husband who is American and I started a family here, the need for my family of origin diminished a little. It took 5 years to adapt to such a different lifestyle. It was hard not to see my many nieces and nephews growing up, my sisters pregnant, and sometimes because of my circumstances here in the US I wasn’t able to go visit them. Once after 5 years I went back home, feeling like a forgotten orphan with no connection whatsoever with any of my family. It was so bad, I couldn’t even remember my nephews and nieces names (I have 17 of them)!
Because now I had 3 children traveling was not as easy and also it was my intention to be set apart from my family of origin in order for me to grow up and heal. I had joined a 12 Step program and was going though much emotional pain growing up to be Glory and no one else and not just what people expected me to be! I had been a rebellious woman starting in my mid-teens and up to that point and something needed to give because my life was unmanageable. I was now married to an alcoholic and thought everything was his fault because he had a drinking problem. I found out that I was a lot of the problem too…controlling, angry, frustrated and fed up. I am not saying that these things are completely healed today, we are all in process, but all of it is so much better! Steps 2 and 3 are still in order:”came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity” and “turned my will and my life over to the care of God”. These are key to recovery and healing…still today. If I believe I am in charge and in control, God has no room to do His work. Steps 2 and 3 were totally foreign thoughts for me. Everyone in my family was in charge and no one knew how to let go except maybe my mom sometimes. So it took a lot of breaking down strongholds that kept me tied to the wrong source.
The years fortunately have brought some reconciliation but it hasn’t been easy. The french are chauvinistic and certainly critical of Americans – not an easy thing for all of us here. My family is a little more careful now because they know I am extremely sensitive and can get hurt. I have to also be sensitive to their culture which I know well because I spent the first 25 years of my life there.
I think this is all for today and I’ll be back with more soon.
“I have held many things in my hands, and have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God’s hands, that I still possess” Martin Luther