stuck-in-the-corner

Stuck in a Corner

stuck-in-the-corner

stuck-in-the-corner

What does it feel like to be stuck and not be able to move, like a bear in hibernation?

Right now I am in a very vulnerable place..I am stuck and want to move around but can’t. I just got back from visiting my siblings in France recently. I had decided to not go because of the stress traveling brings to my body, but Claire my favorite sister (we’re like twins) got sick with a heart condition and I asked her if she wanted company, and of course she was thrilled. So off I went! I have travelled all over the world and know about delays, missed flights, bad weather etc. I just wasn’t prepared enough for this trip. It took me 24 hours to get there – twice the time it usually takes. So I arrived exhausted, took care of Claire the best I could, we had a great time and I returned home spent!

After 4 days or taking it easy here, my back went out. I have been in tremendous pain for now 5 solid days and can’t really move. I can’t sit, stand or lie down for any length of time as every position hurts! I haven’t been able to work, cook, clean, make my bed etc…I do not have a high tolerance for pain so this is not easy. I do use over the counter meds when the pain gets unbearable.

My husband and I used to do soaking conferences and had a soaking center where you get still and let go and let God do His thing. We put soothing music on and people would have all kinds of experiences with visions, angels, God healing hearts, emotions, even physical healings etc. In the stillness we find His voice and His heart. I am a type AAA personality and like being active. I love walking, bicycling, hiking, snow shoeing etc. It is good to both be able to be still and be busy.

Now I am stuck in that place and just can’t find answers. I know God heals and just can’t wrap my head around this kind of pain or people being in physical pain. I have had many friends battle with cancer and even die of cancer and just cannot understand this kind of pain.

I think I heard God tell me to go see my sister…I even got to pray for her healing there which was a real victory – she felt better right away! I loved seeing my family and always miss France, so it was a real treat.

hibernation-bear

hibernation-bear

I just want healing to come and it’s not happening on my time schedule! I don’t believe God inflicts pain, but He can use a time where everything is put on hold to convey a message. In my own opinion it’s good to slow down and wait as long as you’re not forced into it! I have my priorities but so does He. He loves me so much that He will use anything He can to get my attention, even if it seems too radical to me.

We teach our children to stop, look and listen before crossing the road. Maybe He is using this time to help me stop everything, look and listen for Him – after all, I do not want to get run over!!! How many times do we get run over by life because we fail to stop look and listen!

Do I trust Him completely to know what I need? Could it be that at this time God is less concerned about my physical healing than my emotional one?

I love this scripture about Elijah. God doesn’t always speak as we would expect him to. “Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.” (1 Kings 19:11-12)

“But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.” (Is 53:5)

My Strength comes from God alone – “And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Cor 12:9)

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15 thoughts on “Stuck in a Corner

  1. Dear Jeanne,

    Is there a physical cause of the pain, outside of stress from travel? Have you had it checked out with hospital x-rays and such? If it’s stress-induced, I wonder if the experience in France may have exposed something problematic that has been stored in your back? The back is many times where we store our emotional pain.

    Whatever the root cause, I thank Papa that it’s being exposed by His Light. I ask Him now to beam that Light right into the root cause of the pain, like a spiritual x-ray. Father, I ask You to breathe Your breath of life into Jeanne. She is a burden-bearer in Your body… Father, if there is any burden she is carrying, picked up from someone else, please take it from her. Lighten her load, Abba.

    Jesus, you are so acquainted with our weaknesses and you are with Jeanne right now… I ask You to speak to her as she waits quietly to hear your voice. Let us hear Your word, saying “Rise up,” beloved daughter of much faith.

    Holy Spirit, please bathe Jeanne in your mercy and grace. Fill her with peace and give her double what her sister received….

    I come to You in Jesus’ Name, thank you for going above and beyond what I could even think to ask for. Thank you for giving Jeanne all that she needs and more! May her youth be restored!

    I love you, Jeanne… ‘
    sue

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    • Susan, what can I say thank you so much for your beautiful prayers, they brought me to tears. You have the greatest gift of compassion. I had this lumbago pain before maybe 3 or 4 times (one time 2 years ago when we moved-had to go to hospital b/c I couldn’t move) but this seems to be the sharpest pain I have ever felt! Its just relentless. I had some pain before even leaving. I have arthritis throughout my body and that’s what the X-rays show mostly. Some degeneration in the spine etc. The dr said that to get a clearer view we would need an MRI but insurance will not cover it because I just have pain and no other symptoms like numbness in my legs or feet… Which means I would have to be in pain 6 weeks before insurance can cover cost! Insane system here in Maine.
      I am waiting on God for emotional healing. If you can see anything in the spirit, please share it, I’m totally open at this point.
      Thanks for all the love, will write on FB, just saw your message.
      Love you
      Jeanne

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    • Dear Jeanne… I’m thinking of you so very often…

      What would you think of anointing your back liberally with Frankincense? The highest quality, most pure oil oil that I know of is produced by a company called Young Living. You can buy it from Etsy, Ebay, Amazon, or from a private distributor.

      From personal experience I can tell you that Frankincense is really good for deep, deep pain relief. And for an AAA personality as you described yourself, it double by acting to bring peace and calmness. It also stimulates the pineal gland for a deeper sense of being in God’s presence. It’s no wonder that the wise men gave this as one of their gifts to Jesus, at his birth.

      Frankincense does a lot more than what I’ve described… but what I know from personal experience is that it’s one of the very best oils for pain relief… and it’s also a Scriptural principle to “anoint with oil” the person who is sick. I believe God meant it to be more than simply a symbolic picture of His presence; I believe He meant it because oil itself is healing…. and some oils can be used for different purposes.

      An oil I used a few times a week is Peppermint oil, from the same company (Young LIving) and it helps so much in pain reduction! It reduces inflammation but takes away pain almost immediately. (I have tendonitis all throughout my body.)

      I used to have the same trouble with my hips…. it was truly incapacitating… but now I take Glucosomain with Chondroitan and after the 1st 30 or so days, my hip pain has disappeared completely.

      You might already have tried some of these things – so sorry if I’ve gone on and on! But in case you hadn’t, I thought I would share… Whenever God leads me I always use these oils on someone when I’m praying for them, because I believe our healing comes in many different ways…. just as sickness comes in different ways.

      I believe God is healing you inside and out, Jeanne…. He made you just like you are, to be active and healthy and outdoors riding your bike and everything… and that is how I’m picturing you as I pray today…. back to bicycling, hiking, making jewelry, cooking, enjoying your family…. and I’m asking Papa to send His angels to boost your strength in every way.

      I love you,
      sue

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    • Sue (McK), the first thing I did after your message was check my oils – I used to be a YL distributor years ago and I have a stack of them…yes Frankincense was there and I applied it right away. Love all the history behind it and the smell. Shepherds used to smear their sheep’s heads with it to keep the bugs away! I used Di-Tone these past couple days, looked on the manual and it seemed to be the one but really didn’t make much of a difference. I’ll let you know if it works. So sorry to hear you have tendonitis, that is also very painful, my youngest sister has that! Peppermint is great for headaches, but it’s so concentrated it prevents sleep for me! I’ll also try the supplements for my back as I have had pain in my hips for quite a few years now almost every time I walk, snowshoe or do anything like that! May I ask what brand you used? Thanks so much for all the love, so appreciate it. You are the best
      Love you
      Jeanne

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    • Oh wow! You used to be YL distributor – fantastic! As far as brand for the glucosomain/chondoiten… I just got the cheap stuff from Walgreen’s 🙂 It works!

      I do so hope the Frankincense does the trick for you, or at least brings some relief… it may take several applications, along with prayer…

      Very cool!

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  2. Jeanne, I am, of course, praying for you. I, too, know the agonies of back pain, as well as ongoing physical struggle. It wears us down emotionally, and we can easily then see the importance of letting our brothers and sisters in Christ help up bear the burden. Know that we are all there for you in this.
    I am frustrated to read that insurance keeps you from finding out more. I know that struggle, too, as our company has cut back so many benefits and raised deductibles. I did want to say, though, that my mom went through a similar thing after coming here for my 50th birthday and a family reunion a few years back, and thinking it was just the same old arthritis issue she pressed on, only to return home to see her own doc and discover that she has a fracture, which only the strictest regime of bed rest would take care of. That and some muscle relaxers, as the area cannot heal easily with the stress of pain tensing the muscles around it. Just be careful. Sometimes God heals miraculously, but sometimes He gives us insight into something else, and of course, as you said, He often uses those”down” times for us AAA’s to get our attention on other matters, too. *smiles* Bathe in His presence, my friend, and feed on His sweet fellowship.

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  3. Thank you so much Sue for being such a good friend I haven’t even met in person! I really appreciate you. It sure feels still very sore even after using extreme measures as far as meds are concerned, I was on Vicodin yesterday! Made me feel like a human being, a little spaced out but happy. What a relief! I took one again last night so I could sleep a few hours. As I have been waiting in pain all these days I was wondering if it actually could come from an internal problem, felt like really bad period cramps which I had my whole life. Thanks for sharing about your mom, I believe it! Maybe we can take some other X-rays since insurance will not cover an MRI! What days we live in, we have the technology but can’t use it. Being in constant pain doesn’t qualify you for treatment in other words!
    I hope one day we meet because I know you live in MA…that’s not to far away. We actually do not have a church here, we drive all the way to Pepperell MA where our church is. Have a great weekend

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    • Ah! That explains why you know Myra Walker. My daughter and family live in Pepperell. We will be there this Sunday taking my grandson home, but only after church hours are past. Who knows???
      Take care, and do look into those other x-ray options. And (I now wear my mother-hen hat) when on the pain killers, do not think, “Gee, now I can vacuum!” Take advantage of them for the optimum rest you can get. *smiles*

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    • Thanks so much Sue, what a small world. Yes Myra used to come to our church and I’m still in touch with her. We’ve had all kinds of real miracles happening recently so it makes it all the more difficult to be sick! I will take heed and chill! Been in too much pain to even read. I use my iPhone for everything! You are the best and maybe one day we will meet in Pepperell. I’ve been going there for 12 years now! Thank you my friend

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  4. Jeanne – we love you, Father loves you, Jesus loves you, Holy Spirit loves you!! I’m so sorry for your pain…. I understand your musings about illness, pain, healing, death… Be sure that your Heavenly Daddy didn’t do this, doesn’t like this, isn’t instigating this… we live in a fallen world, redeemed by Jesus, and we all need to grow into the sons & daughters of God who can encounter, contain and release the Kingdom Father wants us to have – heaven come to earth…. so I declare YOUR kingdom come Father into Jeanne’s body, this healing belongs to her because of what Jesus has done! Believe me that through 13 years of Jack’s struggle with cancer I’ve been all over the place in sorting this one out… the BEST teaching I’ve heard on the matter is from Bill Johnson at Bethel church.. in fact they lost a family member to cancer a few weeks ago and both Bill and his son Eric spoke at church about this very issue. I encourage you to listen to Bethel Church podcast for March 10 & 17 – you will be encouraged, inspired, filled with hope and grace to persevere and continue to press in for healing, believing it’s possible even when it’s not happening. Love u! Theresa

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    • Thanks so much Theresa, you are an mazing lady. I have been listening to Bill’s Podcasts for years now and at one point it was the only thing I could listen to. I have also soaked listening to Bill Johnson! Love that grace in his message. Our church in the Boston area is run by his bother is law so we are blessed. Now that we moved it’s been a drive though…2 and 1/2 hours away!

      I appreciate your heart and so admire your faith. Yes with Jack’s cancer and all the pain he has gone through, I imagine it’s been real tough specially for 13 years…oh la la!!! I was crying this morning because the pain was so intense. I have had to rely on pain meds because there is no relief. I know God doesn’t bring sickness, no doubt in my mind, but he uses ways to slow you down sometimes – this has happened to me on numerous occasions.

      Thank you again for taking the time in your busy day to write to me. How are you and how is our friend Jack? Are you guys still with CTF?
      A big hug to you both – please give Jack our love
      Love u, Jeanne

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  5. Thank you all who have been praying, I am a lot better but still exhausted because I have lost so much sleep and still waking up often because of pain…please continue to pray. I appreciate you all so much, you are the most faithful friends

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  6. Jeanne,
    This is my favorite line of truth, ” I have my priorities but so does He. He loves me so much that He will use anything He can to get my attention, even if it seems too radical to me.” I have thought this so many times myself. I am in that season now and have been for a few months. I want to press in – I know God has more, but for right it is enough to just belong, believe, and just be. Thank you for your transparency – I know God moves when we surrender and just trust His process. 😉

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