What does it feel like to be stuck and not be able to move, like a bear in hibernation?
Right now I am in a very vulnerable place..I am stuck and want to move around but can’t. I just got back from visiting my siblings in France recently. I had decided to not go because of the stress traveling brings to my body, but Claire my favorite sister (we’re like twins) got sick with a heart condition and I asked her if she wanted company, and of course she was thrilled. So off I went! I have travelled all over the world and know about delays, missed flights, bad weather etc. I just wasn’t prepared enough for this trip. It took me 24 hours to get there – twice the time it usually takes. So I arrived exhausted, took care of Claire the best I could, we had a great time and I returned home spent!
After 4 days or taking it easy here, my back went out. I have been in tremendous pain for now 5 solid days and can’t really move. I can’t sit, stand or lie down for any length of time as every position hurts! I haven’t been able to work, cook, clean, make my bed etc…I do not have a high tolerance for pain so this is not easy. I do use over the counter meds when the pain gets unbearable.
My husband and I used to do soaking conferences and had a soaking center where you get still and let go and let God do His thing. We put soothing music on and people would have all kinds of experiences with visions, angels, God healing hearts, emotions, even physical healings etc. In the stillness we find His voice and His heart. I am a type AAA personality and like being active. I love walking, bicycling, hiking, snow shoeing etc. It is good to both be able to be still and be busy.
Now I am stuck in that place and just can’t find answers. I know God heals and just can’t wrap my head around this kind of pain or people being in physical pain. I have had many friends battle with cancer and even die of cancer and just cannot understand this kind of pain.
I think I heard God tell me to go see my sister…I even got to pray for her healing there which was a real victory – she felt better right away! I loved seeing my family and always miss France, so it was a real treat.
I just want healing to come and it’s not happening on my time schedule! I don’t believe God inflicts pain, but He can use a time where everything is put on hold to convey a message. In my own opinion it’s good to slow down and wait as long as you’re not forced into it! I have my priorities but so does He. He loves me so much that He will use anything He can to get my attention, even if it seems too radical to me.
We teach our children to stop, look and listen before crossing the road. Maybe He is using this time to help me stop everything, look and listen for Him – after all, I do not want to get run over!!! How many times do we get run over by life because we fail to stop look and listen!
Do I trust Him completely to know what I need? Could it be that at this time God is less concerned about my physical healing than my emotional one?
I love this scripture about Elijah. God doesn’t always speak as we would expect him to. “Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.” (1 Kings 19:11-12)
“But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.” (Is 53:5)
My Strength comes from God alone – “And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Cor 12:9)